Christmas season is over and the Manila film industry is in control of what is showing in our local cinemas. From Dec 25 to New years eve, theaters are directed by the local government to showcase only filipino made movies. I really hate this time of the season cause i dont have any choice of movies that i wanted to see And since i dont have cable at my place, i just resort to downloading movies off of the internet.
I'm not against filipino directors, i know that some filipino indi movies have improved alot if not, has surpassed some of the major movies that are being produced today. But i still dont watch them anyway here are some reasons why i avoid watching locally made films
1. Most of them movies are centered around making people laugh but has no content. alot of the scripts are focused mainly on what is "socially acceptable", the "in-phrases" which does not even mean a thing.
2. Action films only focus on poverty, maltreatment and revenge. i remember when i was growing up, i had to endure movies showing on tv that focus on these things, the whole story starts with a cop's family life, which shows how happy they are and easy going. after about 15 minutes in the movie, somehow on of the hero's family member gets mugged, or sometimes daughter and wife gets raped and killed in the process, and in the next 15 minutes, we see the "good cop" all up in tears and drowns himself with alcohol and upon sobering up, magically comes up with a plan to get even with the people who have wronged his family and wont rest until he hunts them down and murders them. Sometimes the hero's best friend tries to talk him out of it but does nothing to prevent it.
3. Comedy films that has alot of musical numbers that has nothing to do with the story.
4. No morals whatsoever.
5. Product placements everywhere
Lastly, it does not teach children to learn foreign languages so when they grow up, finish college with little or no grasp in speaking or understanding the english language. i on the other hand, although i have studied from elementary to highschool in a private school (with good morals and claims to teach proper english), sadly, did not learn the english language there. My mom however, got me interested in learning and understanding english at an earlier age, which got me hooked in watching foreign films and tv series such as sesame street, the greatest american hero, doogie howser MD, startrek and many more. I find that watching and listening to english programs, reading books had somehow increased my grasp in its vocabulary and i got to learn phrases as well. i believe the key to learning something is to emerse oneself, and be patient enough to learn the basics.
June 5, 2014
Last night I was not able to go to work because of my stupidity. My Schedule at work starts from midnight to 9am. I forgot to set my alarm and I woke up at around 4:30am. I quickly checked my phone for messages from work and I found 1 from my immediate supervisor, it was sent around 2:30am asking if I was going go work. I replied and called afterwards. I told him it was my fault and asked what I needed to do since it is already 4 hours past my scheduled time. He then said to file it as Sick Leave. So that was that, I had slept again and woke up at around 6am. And that's when I decided to finish the 3rd book of the series by Wilbur Smith "River God". After finishing the last page, I decided to cook lunch and ate. I then downloaded a series called "The 100" episode 11 of season 1 while i continued to watch Deathly Hallows 2nd part. Then I watched part of the 100 and after 5 minutes in the series, I turned the computer off and read a short story (45 pages long), a mash up of Percy Jackson and Kane Chronicles. It is about Greek and Egyptian myths combined by the author, "Rick Riordan". Around 3:30pm, I decided to go out and read the second book of the series "Elemental" by John Anthony entitled "Firebrand". I took a shower and packed my things, walked about 3 blocks from my apartment and got a taxi. I arrived at the mall around 6pm and headed towards my favorite starbucks and ordered a Venti dark mocha and sticky cinnamon bun. My mp3 player was running low so i turned it off to conserve battery. I found a cushioned seat but it is nowhere near a power outlet and I could not charge my ipod shuffle. I told myself that i will charge it at work instead. I ate sparingly while I read. i got to the end of Chapter 5 of the book and was savoring the bite of the cinnamon roll when I remembered that i missed mom shirley's home baked cinnamon rolls. I really missed her cooking and thinking about it makes me miss the old days when i was still living at their house as a student. It was there that i learned a lot about life. That there are consequences for every action that i would make. may it be good or bad, there's always a consequence. I remembered one time when i had used part of the money that i was supposed to pay for my tuition and told bossing about it. I thought i was gonna get away with it considering i told him the truth and imagined he would say it's alright, "just don't do it again". Instead i was given punishment and was asked to redo the garden outside the front yard. Front yard was about half size of a basketball court and the garden is about a quarter but scattered around. bossing asked me to redo the garden and he instructed me how he would like it to look. he said that this is going to be my "punishment". as i surveyed the garden i then told myself not to spend money that was not mine to dispose of. it was a backbreaking day for me but i was able to finish it in two days and he was proud of what i did and mom Shirley rewarded me with my favorite food. Lasagna, chicken curry (in yellow curry sauce where the chicken is shredded with bacon, bell pepper slices toppings) and meat pie. i ate my fill and rested. i have learned a lot in that house and really missed living at 45 Balmori San Lorenzo village. and i wish i had done differently way back then. now i can only look back and learn from it. up to this day, i haven't spent money that i did not earn. there are times that i borrow money from my friends but i always pay it back at the appointed time. i don't want to inconvenience them cause they have already sacrificed a part of their income and time to let me go to work. i vowed that i would not do it again.
Christmas eve December 24 2013 I cant remember the last time i spent my Christmas with either my family or friends The last time was maybe more than a decade ago I thought that i can go this holiday without a care in the world This time i thought wrong i really missed alot or rather missed the lack of companionship again the prospect of having a lifetime partner almost zero i always thought that i would just have to hang back, have coffee and read, hoping that a stranger would come to me and just... talk, probably enjoy each other's company and end up being together but in reality, is likely going to happen watching all the people go around and do their last minute shopping and have a purpose is giving me alot to think about i thought being single is probably the best thing that can happen in my life and time and time again, loneliness comes back at me and tells me "told you so... you need someone in your life" wish i have a chance to meet that stranger today, as i was about the final pages of a book that i was reading for 2 weeks now, i realized that i am a lonely guy looking for love in the wrong places at the wrong time. the only thing that's keeping me sane is the music that i am listening to right now (2013 best billboard songs for 2013)
even the pictures show that i am just as miserable as anyone who is trying to survive all alone in this world that i am living in a country that has billions of people in one place is like a sea of nothingness to me i have no close friends cause i had designed it to be that way my work is just barely keeping me alive, it's the only thing that has been keeping from being a bum so where am i headed now? Some good things worth mentioning this year was promoted to level 2 last July transferred to another account and looking forward to opportunities and promotions next year celebrated my third year this july and is wondering wether i will stay in the company after a couple of years or is this going to be my pattern. stay for 5 years and then move again. thats's my reality, that's my way of life Have a happy christmas readers.
December 8, 2013 - Sunday 2:44am @ Starbucks 32nd street and 7th avenue
December 8, 2013 - Sunday 2:44am @ Starbucks 32nd street and 7th avenue Just finished watching Ender's Game at Newport Cinema. Graphics was really great plus they had Harrison Ford as a supporting actor. The movie was not that great and not that bad either. I admit i got a little dissapointed, cause they have skipped alot from the original book. Well you know what they say, "you cant always get what you want". Anyways, after the movie i decided to go to starbucks and just relax, have some coffee and read a book (ender's game book 2). Got a taxi and when i got there, i was surprised to see alot of people still awake at this hour. Last time i was here about 2 years ago, i think it was a Saturday, i got at starbucks around 11pm with my old IBM laptop to study web developing and was about to make a web site for a local church. I remember that there were people back then but not alot. After i ordered my coffee, i was able to go upstairs and got a chair near an outlet. I remember i also got picked on by a bunch of highschoolers, they tried to get my attention and tried to scare me. I just gave them the face and the group laughed and left me alone. Anyways, i was just comparing the number of people at that time. Right here, right now at 2am, people keep pouring in. So i decided to go next door, Army Navy which is fortunately open 24 hours, ordered food and could not find an a seat next to an outlet to charge my laptop. so i sat at the corner where no one can sit beside me and i can see everyone except the counter. I like being hidden and out of the way from people coming in. 15 minutes had passed and people are still coming in from everywhere. Wow, this is really weird. I guess people here are either working for call centers or rich people who just live nearby. Well from the way they dress and talk they are both. All i was thinking was, i came here just to have some peace time. it's a good thing that i brought my music player with me and can tune out the noise. Cause without my music player, i dont think i could stand the crowd and the chatter they would bring. I wouldnt last two minutes without them. At least with my headphones on, i can imagine that i am in a room with good music playing and they are all just background displays. I always envy people who draw strength from crowds and never tire. For me, one hour with a big crowd at a party, saps every last morsel of strength i possess. I have tried to attend a party three times now, with people at my work and time and time again, i would find a dark corner and stay there and just watch them party for about an hour or two and i'd grow tired. They all seem like drones entranced by their drunken stupor and just move around with their own little group and try to jump and squirm in tune with loud party music. Women girating with their partners and men raising their beer bottles in their hands and try to look cool with other people. They all look like crazy youngsters who just got out of highschool and do things that they are forbidden to do. This is supposed to be fun to them. After they had their buckets of beer they would loose themselves and try to lip lock with the person they had a secret attraction for the longest time. but some of them at least try to control the intake of alcohol. While all of this chaos is going on, i just hang back in a dark corner and look at their faces in trance. Married people flirting with others. Animalistic behaviour seem to take over them and do whatever their bodies order them to do. Creatures of instincts, i often wonder if this kind of intoxication is really worth it. Well from what i see from other people mindlessly go through the adrenaline induced alcohol intake. It's not worth it, i always say to myself. Its also fortunate that i had an allergy with alcohol. I remember the first time i tried a drink. I just mixed with just a little of alcohol, and after drinking half of the glass and after 30 minutes. i noticed that i started to have big red marks and the the itch that came with it. I then decided not to take in alcohol anymore. And after 2 decades or so, i tried to drink a bottle of beer and the big red marks returned again. i then decided to experiment and try one bottle of beer a day, and did it for a week. the red marks never went away after i stopped and it stayed for almost 2 weeks. i bowed never again. Taking a smoke is another thing. I am allergic to smoke, and this is because of my allergic rhinitis thing. It's not my choice but it helped me to stay away and not to have these kinds of vice in me. Back to the present. it is now starting to crowd in here at Army Navy. People are starting to pour in now. Maybe i should leave now... Nope, i am trapped. Should have seen acted on it earlier. Crowd is now overpowering my music. I just need to get out now. But how indeed? - maybe i will just read first... Finnaly got out from Army Navy. Was able to order coffee from starbucks and got a corner seat table at the second floor. Not much people up here but downstairs sounds like a big party is a happening. Even with my earphones on, their voices still carry through the second floor. Cant complain and will not complain, this is a public place and it is not a library. i imagine that the decibel levels downstairs is way off the charts. Too many people talking at the same time and laughter seem to grow every minute. Sometimes i wish that there is a library that is open 24 hours, i'd be happy as ever. tranquility at its best. Just several years ago, this place at this time of hour seem to be deserted. Now, it seems that people has discovered this place and decided that it would be a place for them to be all chatty and not caring about other people studying or trying to just find a quiet place to read and sip coffee. Again, this is a public place. Who am i to command them to stop and act civil. Guess i shoulld start creating my website.
It has been 10 days since I have written about April, and Iâm afraid my quest to knowing more about her, for all intents and purposes, sad to say, has gone south. A couple of days after my last letter, I have been tossing and turning, I found myself thinking about her more often than normal. I try to find ways how to get her out of my thought process, and hard as I try, I could not. Work did not help either; I was transferred to the night shift, while she remains in the morning shift. I used to come to work at 5am and she, 30 minutes after. I would take my breaks according to her breaks for us to have a chance to talk and to be more acquainted. Well that fantasy is now over and so I thought. Friday last week, I came out of refresher training and it was 6am. Instead of going down the elevator I made myself brave and went up to the 6th floor to get a glimpse of her. I know deep in my mind, I lost the chance of being near her the way I acted, or should say, the way I reacted on her text message, probably confirming her suspicions on how I really felt for her. I remembered how I was not able to suppress the feeling whenever I would spend time with her, and honestly I could say that she had bewitched me in every way. The way she smiles, the hint of her Visayan accent every time she tries to converse with me, and how she wrinkles her nose when she said something that embarrasses her; and most of all, the calmness inside her that seems to resonate from within. Donât get me wrong, I am not putting her up on a pedestal as some would worship women more than God. I am just fascinated with the way she carries herself. I have met women that are far more breathtaking and more beautiful than her, but none of them seem to have the confidence that she shows. Well enough of the boring stuff. As I said earlier I got another chance to see her, as I stepped into the elevator, I was really worried about how she would react when I would come barging in at their floor and I really donât know how to approach her without me looking like a lost puppy, longing for someone to give me some love and attention. I was hoping that my roommate will be there so I would have an excuse. The elevator door opened to the sixth floor and as I was walking towards the office where she works, thinking of ways not to embarrass myself as I go in there. As it turned out I do have an alibi cause my friend was indeed there at his station. I walked in and she was at her station, I didnât know if she noticed me but she was combing her hair when I came in. I walked up to my roommates workstation, which is about to cubicles left from her station and I purposely rested my arms on the table of my roommates right side and I was facing her left side. She was so engrossed in combing her hair and I donât know if she noticed me come in as she appeared to be busy. I looked towards her and she kept on combing. I then asked my roommate if he is about to go home he said teasingly âif I knew you better you have another agenda hereâ in response I said, âwe had a refresher training and I believe your schedule is about to end and I was wondering if we could go home togetherâ well, he kept on teasing me without her hearing but somehow it was strange that she kept on brushing her hair with her head down, the whole time I was there. I think my roommate and I were conversing for about 5 minutes now and she still has not finished combing. I think she is avoiding my hopeful stare. Finally, I had a chance to excuse myself when my boss came over and spoke to my roommate, they were talking about the Year End Appraisal which I was supposed to do and so I hurried along downstairs to attempt to do it. I got downstairs started doing the YEA, but somehow I could not. So after 15 minutes of trying to figure out how to do it, I gave up and came back upstairs to wait on my roommate. I was expecting that she would ignore me again but to my surprise, she was one of the persons who greeted me cheerily while I came in. So I hesitantly walked over to her side and sat down. She was talking to the others and they were asking me about what I think about something (which I did not remember) and I gladly responded to their inquiry. I quickly lost interest in what they were talking about and I was really glad that I can sit beside her without any reservations. The thing that caught me off guard was how she handled the situation, I know she knew about my true feelings and yet she did not show any negative feelings towards me. Just to show that everything is fine with me, I asked her about her change in schedule. She said that she will start a new schedule next week and she will be starting from 4pm to 1am. Not that far with my schedule, she is only 3 hours ahead of me. Then she went back to their conversation. I stayed right beside her for quite some time, just enjoying her company. Although we have not spoken directly, it is enough for me. I did not dare ask her about our minor disagreement, because I am afraid that she would shut herself out from me. I waited 30 minutes more just sitting beside her and my roommate said it is time to go. I wanted to stay longer but it was time for us to go. The taxi ride home was full of interrogating questions from my roommate about why I was really there. I told him my true intent and he was satisfied with my answer. Suffice to say, I felt a sliver of hope rising in my chest, perhaps there is still a chance to pursue this fantasy of mine. The next day, I sent her a text message, inviting her to watch âThe Hobbitâ with me. And her usual answer was none. It was her off I think, the one thing I forgot to ask her the other day besides her schedule change. Saturday and Sunday came and there is still no response from her. Monday, after my shift, I tried to go upstairs and look for her, I forgot that her shift ends at 1am and it is already 4am. So I went home and opened my facebook account and sent her a message. Again, no answer; so I went ahead and watched âThe Hobbitâ all by myself. I bought a ticket and chose G13 as my seat (last time she chose to sit on that chair), before the movie started, I was hoping that she would come in and sit beside me. But she did not.
So I spent the rest of the week thinking of her and going upstairs to the 6th floor pantry and not dare come into her office, hoping that sheâd miss me too. Up until now, I havenât approached her and talk about the little fluke that went on two weeks ago. I am thinking maybe I should.
Well, I got up at around 12pm, as usual I overslept. When I woke up, the first thing I did was turn on my computer. Found a few songs which I downloaded on the internet, some top 100 billboard songs of 2012. I listen to them almost every day now; I like them songs that are simple and has a great melody with a dance beat that goes along with it. I am especially fond of listening to âLet me love youâ by Ne-Yo, and somehow wish I had wrote the song. I used to be a sucker for ballads, slow songs and what-nots. But how I got over them? I really donât know. Most of the time, I sing them in the bathroom while showering or taking a dump (excuse me for being a little gross). So anyways, these are some songs I play when I wanted to wake myself up. When I got tired of listening to the songs I just open up the folder I keep on my computer that has the Star Trek TNG TV series and watch an episode. I opened up âNew Groundâ where an alien scientist found a way of travelling at warp speed without actually using a warp engine. Well, so much for the geeky stuff, I probably watched the whole 7 seasons more than five times now since the day I asked somebody to download it for me and I gladly paid a sum of money for it (that is how crazy I am for Star Trek). Anyways, I ended up not finishing the episode and decided to continue reading the 6th book on a 10 book series called, âPendragonâ. Itâs a children's book, an adventure, fantasy kind of thing (I am only half way through the whole series). I love these books; itâs an escape from the harsh reality of life. I often immerse myself in books during my days off. While I was reading through the book, I actually remembered that I promised myself that during my off days, I would spend it reading and having coffee. Itâs already 3pm when I decided to go to Starbucks Market-Market. So I charged my nook ebook reader and then hit the shower. I turn on the water, and for some reason, I donât know why, I tend to sing out loud whenever I hear water trickle down the bathroom floor, or whenever I fill my pail with water. And so I sang âPlease donât ask meâ by John Farnham. I often dreamed that this would be one of the songs I would sing if ever I had a chance to join âX-factorâ or âPinoy Idolâ but I am not sure if I would sound great in front of an audience. Let alone stand in front of hundreds and hundreds of people in one place and three or four judges. So I just imagine that I am in front of them and giving them the performance of my life (like that would happen), but then my mind keeps pulling me back to the real world and realize that I am already wasting water. So I finish my little concert and scrub my head with soap. And yes I do use soap on my head (and shampoo as well) just to get rid of the gunk I put on my hair everyday and I thank âBench Fixâ for it. If not for them, my unruly hair would take over and put up an unappealing show to the public (my hair is extra-curly so it stands out every time, itâs like itâs got a mind of its own). After my shower, I go to the fridge, put on my contacts, then get back to the computer and play some more popular music while I dress up and prepare to have some coffee and read. I put on my favorite jeans and an undershirt and spray perfume all over (and sometimes I overdo it). At 5:30 pm I told myself I am ready. Put on some socks, my mp3 player and put on my in ear head phones. I then got my ebook reader and put it in my bag, along with my hoodie and my company ID (youâll never know when youâll need identification). I headed to the door, close the door behind me and make sure that I locked it, and then headed down stairs from my second floor apartment. Had my 4 minute walk just to get to where I hail a taxi. I stood in front of a dental shop, my back to it, and right across the street is a short order eatery which serves all the âSilogâ menus 24/7. I also found a familiar face staring at me (it was the street burger vendor which I buy from in the wee hours of the night). I pretended not to notice her and nodded my head with the song I was listening to. I finally got a taxi at around 6ish, and was on my way to Starbucks. We got to C5 highway and were stuck in traffic for about an hour. As we waited for the cars to move, I found myself thinking of the girl I tried to ask to watch a movie a couple of weeks ago, and how I blew my only chance of getting to know her more. I think it was towards the end of November, it was my lunch and I was watching a cartoon series at the 5th floor pantry, I was watching one of those Japanese Anime called âInuyashaâ. I donât want to get into the details of the cartoon series because I just want to focus on the girl who tried to sneak up on me. She noticed that I noticed her and with a big smile, she said âI was supposed to surprise you cause you were so glued on the big screen TVâ I told her, well, I was just relaxing and trying to let time pass by. She then sat right beside me and began a conversation about what she heard everybody was talking about (my former co-workers) how a great singer I was and she would love to hear me sing. I was taken aback and embarrassed at what she said. I was thinking this could be an opportunity for us to get to know each other. So I tried my best not to get so excited, what she did not know is that I had a long time crush on her, so I tried to be a little modest. I told her that singing used to be my bread and butter, which is kind of the truth cause I used to get invited to sing at weddings and get paid. Of course a lot of my friends helped me to find these gigs. I also told her that I was part of a band and that I had some recordings that I made that was supposed to be part of an album, but it ended up not being released, for what reason I do not know. I told her it was the decision of the composer. So much for being modest, and just to keep the ball rolling, I even let her listen to some of the songs Iâve recorded on my I-phone and she could not believe what she was hearing. She said âIs this really you or are you just pulling my leg?â She could not believe that I really sounded good on the recording she kept saying that it was not me. I tried to tell her that the song she was hearing was composed by my friend for a girl who I had a really big crush on (Uh oh bad move). But I quickly said that she is married now and I ended up telling her about how I was not able to tell the girl how much I feel and told her that I always end up not telling the girl that I am so interested in, how I feel for them. She told me to be more aggressive and take chances when it comes to girls so I wonât end up doing the same things over and over. On that note I agreed, I think she was so impressed on the song that I sang and that she was all smiles. I left her at the pantry cause I was running a little over my lunch time. So I said goodbye and headed back to my cubicle. Turned out I was 5 minutes early. I sat at my desk wondering how the heck did that happen? I tried to impress a girl with the songs that I recorded 10 years ago. I was so lame, I thought to myself, so much for being modest. I then wrote her an email (we used to have office communicator installed at CKE ďż˝" the other account, and since they donât have one, outlook is the other choice), a really short message that said âI was wondering if you could come with me later?â she then answered âwhereâ. I emailed back âI was planning on going on a movie later and watch âRise of the Guardiansâ and I was wondering if you could come with me.â 15 minutes passed and she still did not answer. So I told her âI will pay for the movie if youâd like since I was the one who askedâ. 10 minutes later she answered âsure Iâd love to, but on one condition. I would pay for my ownâ, âSureâ I replied; âbut Iâll buy you ice creamâ then I wrote âIâll wait for you after your shiftâ she said âmy shift ends at 2:30pmâ. âCoolâ, I emailed back and asked her if and asked if I should wait for her at the 6th floor lobby, she emailed back, âwait for me downstairsâ. I emailed her back âokayâ. It was 12 in the afternoon and I was so excited that I wished time would zoom by quickly and I decided to ignore the time. 2pm and it is the end of my shift. I quickly finished my job and went downstairs, I dare not visit her upstairs cause I was afraid that if I do, sheâd shy away from me. So I waited till 3pm. It was hot outside, and the sun was up. 3:10 my other friends came down and talked to me about how things are going on with the other account. I tried to be casual, and wished that they would hurry along cause I was waiting for my date to come down and that she would hopefully not be embarrassed if sheâs seen with me. 3:15 and she came down and was going the other way while waving at our friends. Itâs just what I thought; she was embarrassed to be seen with me. She was about to go the other way, and I said goodbye to my friends who was talking to me, and hurried over to her. I told her, âthe movie was supposed to start at 4pm, I donât think we would catch that one, but there is another one at 6:15pmâ she was a little hesitant at first, I did not want to let this chance slip by so I told her, âwhy donât we just eat something first and then watch the movieâ she then answered, âokayâ I was relieved. I hailed a cab and we were on our way. I tried some small talk and ask her about her family, it was a little awkward but it turns out, she had 2 siblings and her dad passed away a long time ago. I told her I also have 2 siblings and both of my parents are no longer with us. I said to myself we got a connection here. But I did not linger on that though cause I was so caught up with just the two of us going out together. We got to the mall and headed upstairs to the second floor. To tell you the truth I felt awkward cause I was trying to relax with sweaty palms and a million thoughts running through my head, But I still canât figure out the perfect things to say to this girl. I asked her if she wanted some ice cream while we look forâŚ (I tried to make up anything, a hoodie, maybeâŚ), then I looked down on my shoes and told her, I know a place where we can look for hoodies, but first, I need to look at some shoes, after we get the ice cream. I know it is a lame excuse to bide my time, but I was pressing my luck. So I took her through the second floor towards DQ. We got in line, she was kind of drifting off to my right side and the space between the line and another restaurant is a little bit narrow and I am afraid sheâd somehow be run over or escape me. So I held her on her shoulders and slowly put her in front of me, making an excuse that the space is just too crowded and literally people are trying to get through between our line and the next corner. And we got into another conversation. I asked her about her previous job and she said that she got the chance to apply for a call center job in Mindanao (she lives at the other side of the country) through some third party group who works for âHindujaâ or something that sounds like that. Itâs an Indian call center company which paid for her travel to manila. And then, she moved to Convergys and stayed there for 11 months and then landed on our company. All in all, sheâs been working here in manila for almost a year and a half now. She was not much of a talker I guess, she just went with me cause I guess she is like me, does not know how to say no to a friend. Anyways, I took that as an opportunity to be near her (that is me suddenly being bolder, stepping out of my comfort zone). I admit that it was kind of awkward; I think Iâve mentioned that earlier. Then we went upstairs to go look for some sneakers, which I was planning to purchase some, cause my old ones are showing signs of wear and tear. She said that she needed to buy some shoes for running, she was thinking of jogging once in a while. So, we went inside the Shoe Warehouse and we kind of look together but I quickly discovered that we wonât be able to accomplish what we came here for, so I kind of went to another direction to look for the menâs shoes section and I found a cheap pair of Nikeâs that were the right size I think, at least It said size 13 EUR and 12 US. So I took it and asked one of the sales person if they have the other pair for the one I am holding and tried it on. I was wearing one of those sports socks which is a little bit thicker than the usual pair. So I tried it on, the length of the shoe was okay but my feet are triple E. I asked the guy if he has another one that is a little wider, he said it was the last pair. So reluctantly, I gave up the shoe and decided that we should move on to the next thing on my mind. Since we were already on the fourth floor, we went ahead and bought the cinema tickets. I made sure that I paid for the tickets. It was 5pm and we still had time. I asked her to go with me in finding a sweat shirt hoodie. I always come to this mall to watch a movie by myself, and believe me, I always bring one cause it gets really chilly inside the cinema and it is a perfect opportunity to share it with her (the hoodie) while weâre watching (I left mine at home cause I did not plan on a date that day, it was kind of spontaneous). So we bought one and headed to starbucks to have some coffee. She insisted on paying for the coffee, so I let her. She bought them while I look for our seats. I continued to interview her and thatâs how I found out that she does not like cheesy movies (Filipino movies in general). I guess we have two things in common now, I got two siblings and so does she and we both have the same preference when it comes to movies. Ding! Two points with a wide grin. I was trying to lead the conversation but there were odd moments when we just sat there and think of nothing. I guess my power of small talk is not doing me any good. Note to self: Be more observant or at least make a comment on what she wears (that time it did not occur to me to comment on her taste in clothes just to keep the conversation going). After a few more sips and we were on our way to the movie theater. We went in, and just as I suspected, it was like winter inside. So we sat at our designated seats, F12 and G12. We watched the movie trailers, the good ones, and commented on how lame Filipino movies are (haha!) and so the movie started. We just watched in silence. In the middle of the movie, I noticed that the temperature dropped another notch, and since she was wearing a semi-sleeveless shirt (donât know why I called it that. All I know is that it is not covering her sleeves. I offered her the hoodie, she said smiled at me and said yes itâs a little chilly but weâll share. And she went back watching the movie. There were times that we have our arms touching and I was glad I bought the hoodie. We finished the movie, and I canât seem to hide the tear in my eye. Itâs a kidâs movie but it was that moving to me. Anyways, we went down and she said she needed to get home, so I walked her up to the jeep, she thanked me and watched her boarded the Jeep. What? Not even a hug? (Expecting too much) I told myself, take it slow. She was all smiles and she even waved at me while the jeep drove away. Then I went back and bought the sneakers. Remember, this is all in my head while I was sitting in the taxi cab, and it all happened a couple of weeks ago. I sat there while we inch our way towards the mall. So I finally paid the taxi, got out and headed to Kenny Rogers to get something to eat. I ordered on the counter, paid it and got my number. Found a seat and I brought out my ebook reader and read. I canât seem to keep glancing around, hoping she would come walking in to eat. But that would be impossible. Iâm thinking sheâs probably home resting after her shift. While I was waiting, I wondered what happened the other night that made her cancel our date at the last minute. And I made a big mistake, the second time I asked her for a movie to watch âRorounie Kenshinâ, she said she was going somewhere and I decided not to enforce what I wanted. I went to SM MOA that night and watched the last full show. The third time I asked her to watch a movie called âCloud Atlasâ, it was a 2 hour and 50 minute show. So during my shift I emailed her and asked if she could go tomorrow (that was Sunday) after my shift. It took too long that I had to force myself to go upstairs on the 6th floor during my lunch. I found her on her station, she looked stressed out so I sat beside her. She did not seem to notice me cause she was frowning the whole time. I then asked her, âHey, whatâs up? You look soâŚ frustratedâ she then said that they had a lot of calls earlier and does not know how to finish them all today, and it is taking a lot of her time. I looked at the Queue screen and noticed that she was on lunch, I frowned and told her, âArenât you supposed to be on lunch? And that is not a wise time to be spending itâ, she pouted and told me, âI need to finish this before my shift ends and I donât want to stay here for another hour just to finish themâ. I like it when she looked worried. Anyways, I let him be and just sat there beside her. The others noticed us and began teasing and saying things like, âYou know April, Percy here is a good and a kind hearted guy.â and âYou know Percy is still single and heâs seems to be perfect with youâŚâ They were trying to get us embarrassed and April (thatâs her name by the way) just said, âdonât believe them Percy, they are just teasingâ. Usually I would get so embarrassed that I would just stay still and look all kinds of stiff. So I tried to relax and told them, âSheâs my âPareâ and a good friendâ and we high fived, as if telling everybody to back off, you guys wonât embarrass us with those kinds of small talk. Believe it or not, they stopped teasing. So I just stayed there with her and got the courage to ask her, âso did you get my email then?â âoh, ah I was busy I did not notice, Iâll read it laterâ she said. I told her âitâs okay, Iâd probably be on my way to get some food, Iâll leave you to your workâ. Then I went down to get some food at Mc Donalds. When I got back to my station/cubicle and quickly checked my mail and found her response. She said, okay, Iâll text you tomorrow. I then responded, âCool, see you tomorrow thenâ. I did not dare wait for her answer, or send her another message, cause I was afraid it would ruin everything. So I got home and willed myself to sleep. At around 9ish, my phone rang and it was my roommate, I shared some things about her, and he told me to get on facebook. I saidI was already asleep but he insisted so I finally said âOkay, hold your horses, Iâll be onlineâŚ so whatâs up?â he then said: âJust get onlineâ and he hung up. So I got up, sat on my broken computer chair and turned on the computer. I logged into Facebook and nothing seems to be interesting. I then thought that maybe she was online and she was. I texted my roommate and told him that she was online, and he answered back âwell, arenât you gonna message himâ. I answered him, âI am too sleepy, and I have work tomorrowâ he then answered back âitâs now or never dudeâ I texted back, âOkayâŚâ so I put clicked her name and wrote âTulog Na!â (go to sleep), I then typed âTomorrow, okay?â. I waited for her response but nothing came. After 30 minutes I was so tired, I had to go back to bed. And went on facebook on my Iphone. She then messaged me, âAh sorry Percy, I forgot to tell you, I had to go somewhere tomorrow afternoon. Can we move the movie or if you want you can go ahead and watch it.â I was so shocked and a little bit angry at her response that I messaged back âOkay, you can go ahead to where you needed to beâ then added a sad face L. She then messaged back after a few minutes and said âare you sure?â I answered âNever mind me, just goâ. Then she messaged back âHmmmâŚ are you okay?â. I messaged back âNope I am notâ. Then I went offline. I then tried all my best to go back to sleep but I could not. I think I only had 2 hours of sleep that Sunday and I was pissed. I went to work and tried my best not to think of what transpired the other night at facebook. It was before my lunch time that I got a text from her that says âhi Percy, gud morning..hmm I think we havv a msundrstang hr.. of curz I knw ur trying 2 b frndly coz you are like that with everybodyâŚtake careâ I admit I was kind of in shock, I was thinking, is this a rejection message? It took me half of the day before I got the courage of texting back saying âYes you are right and I am sorry. Yes I am friendly with everybody, but the difference is I like you, and I donât know how to show it to you thatâs why I asked you out several times, to get to know you better. And I guess I was expecting too much from you. Again please forgive meâ I pressed send and did not expect an answer from her. That was Sunday and today is already Thursday. Anyways, going back to what I did last Tuesday, I finished eating at Kenny Rogers and headed down to Starbucks. It was already 7pm. I ordered my usual CafĂŠ mocha Venti and sat down at one of the empty chairs and continued reading. I kept glancing at everybody and at the same time observing what they were doing. There was a couple sitting down with their laptops on and seems to be studying. I was fascinated at how these two people met or how they came to know each other and wished I had the same skills at dating someone. I guess it will still be a mystery to me because, the last two relationships I was involved with (which was eons agoâŚ) was not initiated by me. I guess my first one, we ended up dating for 3 years and I might say it took me a long time to recover from that. Cause I fell in love with her. As I said, she was the one who initiated the friendship that grew into feelings in which I did not know exist in the real world (the kind of ones that I see in the movies). The second relationship I had was with an American girl who looked like a local movie star who also made the first move. She was a short-term missionary, her name is Heather and sheâs from Alabama. I first saw her during one of our Sunday worship service, and I was leading the songs and I noticed how beautiful she was. I tried not to stare at her while singing, so I concentrated on leading the songs. So one day, I was minding my own business, about to do the one thing that I do almost do every week days, which is to play ping pong from 10am to 5pm. So I walked in, and I saw her, I think she saw me first cause when I entered the door and I was looking for my friends, and turned to her direction, she was all smiles at me. I beamed a smile back and hurried on to the ping pong room. She then stepped in front of me and introduced herself, she said she wanted to practice conversing with Filipinos and so I said âokayâ. In my mind it would only take an hour or so, so I could go back and do the thing I love the most (Ping Pong). And you know what, I actually enjoyed talking to her that day, so much so that I did not notice the time, a minute ago it was 10 in the morning so it seems, until I heard ate Baby Rose (one of the staff members at the student center) saying âGuys! Closing time!â and I said, woah! I did not even notice we were talking that long. So I said my goodbyes and thanked her, and told her that I had a wonderful time talking to her and we went our separate ways. The next day, she did it again, and again, and again. The whole week and the next, we just ended up talking to each other and her not being able to do what she came here for. I think she got in trouble with that. And I was the envy of everybody. Anyways, to make the long story short, we ended up together. And it was one, or should I say the best relationship that I enjoyed the most. So there, I have no clue when it comes to chasing girls and I guess I blew it with April. So, I continued sipping my coffee and finished the 6th book âPendragonâ and it was 9pm. I tried to start another book but, April just keeps popping out of my mind for no reason and I guess I donât know how to take it from here. I decided to go home around 10pm and slept.
It started one Sunday at church, a trio of musicians came and performed. Two of them were male, one who brandished an acoustic guitar while the other held a microphone. Between them was a female who braided her hair in such a way that she would look like a daughter of an Indian chief but at the same time a brilliant looking Jamaican. When it was time for them to perform, I noticed that two of them had the look of arrogance, which made me feel a little bit annoyed. The girl, on the other hand, seemed to present herself well, despite the smugness displayed by her companions. They sang their set of songs. and everyone was pleased by the way their voices sounded, as they blended and seemed to come together with each song that they performed. I on the other hand, was just sitting there and looking all around to see everyone's faces as they were serenaded by the group. The crowd looked as they watched them perform. It was as if it was the first time they heard a trio singing in harmony and complementing each other. I was a little bit tickled at the way the crowd around me were reacting to each song. I was drifting off in the sea of people making funny gestures and extraordinary pictures with their faces. I was completely unaware of the performers as I watched the audience in silly harmony, each doing their own version of emotions but in sync with everyone else. Until I heard a voice, suddenly breaking through the crowd, a voice which filled me in an inexplicable way. As I slowly turned my attention towards the performers. There she was, singing as if she was the only one in that room. I felt a tingling at the base of my spine, each time she opened her mouth, words seemed to dance around and make a beautiful melody. I tried to shake off the feeling, but with no success. I tried not to look at her intently, but her voice made me lose all of my logic and made me helpless; compelling me to focus all of my attention on her. I didn't care about the people around me anymore I felt like I was one of them, the object of my earlier ridicule. And as I continued to look at her, it's as if everything melted away, the sound of the music, the sound of the people at the back who was not really interested but discussing what their plans are after the function. And then I found myself again, alone with her, I could only hear her voice clearly. Like an angel, her face so full of welcome, her voice intoxicating, I've never felt anything like this before. I came back to reality after her song was finished and everyone seemed to fade in again as they made a sound of appreciation with their hands. I was the only one on my feet and giving them my applause of fascination and appreciation. In my mind I would like to get to know her badly and would love to be a part of her interesting life. She was just perfect. "She's the one", I told myself. And so I had a chance to get to know her, I became a part of their group, and was one of them, front and center, singing and performing. We were invited a lot to different functions and we got to spend some time together during rehearsals and performances with the group. I was really so excited seeing her, and singing with her and at times I get to hug her before and after some performances, after all, we were in the same faith. Two years past and I still had no courage telling her how I felt. I really do not know how to say it to her, I was not an expert in that field. So like any other band, I got to see her and perform at her side with much hope and longing, but there was this inevitable thing that occurs with each band, we got tired of each other. One by one each one would like a chance to steal the crowd and make a name for themselves. And it was during those times that I saw her interest focus on a guy who had already promised to marry someone else ďż˝" someone who was outside the country. I watched her fall head over heels with this guy and tried to warn her about the other girl coming back. After all I was a good friend with her, but I was ignored, she still went through with it. Until one Sunday, the other girl came home and in an instant, she was ignored. I can still remember her face when she saw him across the crowd and waved at him with much expectation then when she was halfway to the crowd to meet him, another girl held his hand and hugged him and he hugged back. She stopped in the middle of the crowd, and slowly lost her wonderful smile, and then forced herself to look at the floor. She turned to her left side headed to the door and disappeared. I made a feeble attempt to follow her and thought of ways of comforting her, but when I got to the gate she was gone. I then decided to wait a couple of months just to see if she was doing ok and ask her to go out with me. Despite the warnings of my fellow band mates not to pursue her. I remember one of them harshly commented on my age saying, âshe's too young for youâ. But actually I was only 7 years older. So I finally asked her for a date, I said we would eat at Fridays. We met up somewhere at an LRT station and that's when she told me that she was engaged to a guy who was 12 years older than her.
Pretty much my whole world caved in right then and there. I would have told her that the date was not a good idea, but I decided to push on with the date. A lot has happened during the short trip towards the restaurant like me forgetting where I placed my ticket to the train, or almost falling off the sidewalk. There were a lot of things going through my mind. We ate and tried to have much fun together, but deep inside, I had wished that I had died. After the meal we went our separate ways and I was left with nothing but an empty hole. A couple of years passed and they got married. And the band also was dissolved, it's funny that I also got to sing at their wedding, and I hated it when some of my superficial friends told me that I had put a lot of emotion to the songs that I sung. If only they had known how I tried to suppressed the war raging on inside me
"...And friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them. And a friend will not say never if the welcome will not end..." i used to believe this phrase when i was younger. And yet as time passes by, when these so-called friends finally gets a job, or when they move to another city or another country, they simply forget what they have left behind. All of my so-called friends went and seem to forget that they had once had someone to have a good time with, a good laugh and companionship during those times when they mostly feel bad about what's been happening to them and their families. I understand that they have to move on and deal with their new found life and continue on and become better with what they do. I am not mad at my friends personally but now i understand that, in order for us to live we must leave things in the past and deal with what we have now and make it your own. Do the best with what you have and take care of yourself. In the end, friends are only there whenever they are in close proximity. Other than that you are on your own...
one month of undisturbed slumber! what a wonderful feeling! i wanna thank one of me trusted, and still single friend (ladies, be on the look out for this guy), Kevin. yes, thanks kev's for letting me bantay your house while you were out of the country, i really had plenty of rest (and free internet surfing and cable, hehehe) during the months and for the first time this year, i had a whole month with no tardy days at work. just want to re-iterate that if you are going out of the country again i will be available and be more than willing to look after your place again. just text me. thanks!
funny how time passes even when you are not having fun. yes, four years have passed and still i am at this job that i do 5 days a week, 9 hrs a day (including lunch time that is not payed). well, i'm not saying that i do not enjoy this job i have, but just to point out, it took me nearly four years to enter another level with my current work and i am not going to sit around and wait another 4 years to get to the next level. it's true that i lack some educational background that is needed for me to have a promotion but who knows? i believe i've already completed a month without any lates or absences (and yes, i used to be fond of being tardy or at least have 1 day that i skip work just to say that i am able to maximize my sick leaves for the year). i want to start a new trend this year (and i hope i wont give up so easily). i know that you can not gain anything by being lazy and laid back when it comes to making a living. i wanna be able to accomplish something in my life (at least at the work place) so that i can look back and say to myself that i had accomplished something that is worthwhile. let me put it this way, i'm 34 and im a college drop out, my singing career is, i believe not going to push through (including the long overdue "indy album" that should have come out several years ago) and i am still single (still clueless when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex). and so, i will have to do some sacrifices and be able to accomplish these simple goals in my life so that i would be, in a kind of way, say to myself, that i have not totally waisted this life that i borrowed. so, God give me strength!